Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Weirded Out

Week 28

Alright, so I was reading one of my books tonight. It's called gentle birth, gentle mothering. I figured from the title that I probably wouldn't agree with everything the author has to say. I've only read a few chapters. Some of it I really liked, but there was one thing that, to be honest, just grossed me out.

The author of the book is the mother of four children. She shares personal stories throughout the book. Some of her birthing stories were a little weird to me but whatev. What really got to me was the one about breastfeeding. I completely intend to breastfeed by baby and any babies that come after that, don't get me wrong, but I feel that there's a point at which it becomes creepy and weird. The author of the book breastfed her first three kids until they were five. Does that seem strange to anyone besides me? Maybe it's the culture we live in, then again, maybe it really is just weird.

The things is that's not the weirdest part. The whole breastfeeding until age five thing creeped me out a little, but I could probably move past that. However, the author of this book breastfed her last child until she was seven years old. I honestly got a little sick to my stomach thinking of that. I understand that there's a bonding thing going on with breastfeeding, and I'm looking forward to experiencing that. However, I feel that once a child is getting ready to start school it's probably about time to stop with the breastfeeding. The thing I keep coming back to is these kids most likely remember breastfeeding. I can't imagine having a clear memory of being breastfed by my mom after coming home from second grade. It puts a whole new spin on milk and cookies, huh?

Going Natural

Week 28

I've been thinking a lot about how I want to deliver the baby lately. Maybe it's because I've officially started the third trimester. I've thought from the beginning that I'd really like to give birth naturally. I've heard a lot of people talk about the drugs it seems like just about everyone uses now and the phrase, "If you can, why not?" seems to come up a lot. I'm not really sure that I see it the same way. In the library world, I've read a lot about whether or not you should do something just because you can. Just because you can do something or make something easier doesn't mean that's always the way to go. The answer is not always. Just because you can do something or make something easier doesn't mean that's always the best way to go. I think giving birth can be thought of in the same way.

I'm sure that if anybody reading this has already had kids you're probably smiling and thinking to yourself that I have no idea what's in store for me. You're right. Maybe I'll decide that I can't handle it without drugs, but I don't want to go into it thinking that I can't do it. Women have have given birth naturally for thousands of years . Being informed is important, and I've checked out some books about delivery methods and the birth process. One thing that makes a lot of sense to me is the fact that childbirth isn't a disease or a medical problem, it's a natural process. A really painful natural process, but not necessarily something to be terrified of. An epidural can make you unaware that you're even having a contraction. I'm not sure I would like that idea.

In a way, I'm looking forward to the challenge. It's scary, and I might not have people around me who completely support that decision. I'm surprised by how many times I've read that many doctors don't support natural childbirth. I would never deny an intervention that protects my health or the baby's, but I don't want to do anything that isn't necessary.

I don't worry about Blake, I know that he'll support me with whatever I decide. It's nice to know that I'll have someone in my corner like him. I feel like I've been talking a lot about what I've read, but I guess I am a librarian so it makes sense. So I'm going to do it again. In my books I've read that your spouse should be part cheerleader and part advocate, not simply a coach. It's not Blake's job to tell me what to do, but to support me and communicate with the doctors and nurses on my behalf if I'm not able. I think he's going to be really good at that. I'm looking forward to signing up for classes and learning together about what's to come.

Lastly, if you're interested to know what I'm reading, I've added my "currently reading" shelf to the blog. This shelf displays all the books I'm currently trying to read, both baby and non-baby themed.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Third Trimester

Week 28

So today is the first day of my 28th week. That means I'm starting the third trimester. It's almost hard to believe that I'm 2/3 of the way to being done making a baby! It's really exciting and scary. I alternate between wishing the baby would be here now so I could hold him or her and thinking that it's all going a little too fast. I'm also really excited to watch Blake get to hold our little guy or gal. I feel like I've been getting to know the baby in a way, and Blake hasn't had the same opportunity.

The baby's movements have been getting stronger. It was nice to see Blake get excited when he felt the baby move this past week. My What to Expect book says that this week the baby will reach about 16 inches and 2.5 pounds. He or she will even start blinking soon! It's crazy to think how much the baby has grown. I've actually seen my belly move at least once while writing this post. It seems like the baby is really active. I just read in my Parents magazine today that boy fetuses are more active than girl. It makes me wonder, is the baby especially active (maybe a boy...) or is the baby not as active as I think (maybe a girl...)? Having nothing to compare it to, I can't make a guess. Although I've had a lot of people who are willing to guess so far:
Blake: girl
Kristin: boy
Mom: boy
Jamie (if I remember right): girl
Adam: girl
Jacqueline: boy
Wendy: boy

Blake hasn't been feeling very well this weekend, and I've been trying to take care of him. It's made me realize that Blake has been pretty awesome about taking care of me so far. He takes care of Petey for the most part, generous with turns at doing the dishes, and has made dinner a few times without me even asking. It's kind of nice to take care of him again :) I even made homemade chicken soup today while working on my poster for school. I'll be excited for the day when wife and mother can replace student as my main title.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Going Quickly

Week 27

Everything seems to be going so quickly now. The weeks seem to be flying by, my ticker and Jamie tell me that it's less than a hundred days until the baby comes. This is the point in the semester where I usually begin to realize how much I have to do and how little time is left. This semester is a little different. Not only am I beginning to realize that there isn't much time left in the semester, about 8 weeks, I'm realizing that I have to present my poster for graduation in about two weeks. That makes me a little sick to my stomach. And what I'd really like to be focusing on right now, the baby is due in about 14 weeks.

I realize that I've made the choices that put me in this situation, and it's actually going to be really good timing. I'm just feeling a little stressed. It really is my own fault, and it's kind of funny when I think about it. This past weekend I wrote a paper. I spent a lot of time Saturday writing it and then some of Sunday morning. After that I decided that I should take the rest of Sunday off because I worked so hard on Saturday and even got up before Blake to finish my paper. So I worked on the birthday present I've been making for my niece, Cassidy. By the way, I think it's going to be pretty awesome. Although not what I should have been doing. Present me is always annoyed with how lazy past me was. Mostly because present me wants to be lazy, too.

I've been spending a lot of time crocheting and knitting lately (I'm definitely going to post a picture of Cassidy's present when it's done), it's calming and makes me feel like I'm doing something even if I'm just sitting in front of the TV. I even fantasize that after the baby comes I'll be able to spend some of my time making cute things for him or her. I've actually started two baby sweaters. The first I ended up ruining. The second I've decided I don't like because of the colors I've chosen. It's harder than I thought to make something that could work for a boy or a girl. Maybe I'll just have to wait until he or she gets here. I get sad sometimes when I wish my days could be full of thoughts of how to decorate the baby's room, names, and what awesome things we're going to register for in a couple weeks. Instead, I'm supposed to keep my mind on things like internet connectivity in public libraries, the best ways to develop database searches, and relational algebra that somehow helps me design a database. Believe it or not, those thoughts aren't really doing it for me :) I just keep thinking that in a couple months I won't have to worry about school anymore. I'll have almost a whole month to think about the baby. That's what will get me through, I think.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My new ticker

Week 26

If you look at the top right hand corner of the page, you'll see the new addition to my blog. My new baby ticker. I was looking for one to add, and I hated pretty much everything I found. I came across this one, and I kinda liked it. I wasn't sure about the whole floating baby thing. First I asked Blake. He said it was creepy. I was kind of worried about that since I thought the same thing at first. So then I asked Kristin. She said she liked it. It was a tie. Then I noticed Jamie was online, she's always good at giving me opinions. I hope she doesn't mind that I'm going to share how our chat went. Gmail didn't save it quite right, so I'll try to remember the missing parts the best I can:

Me: i added a baby ticker to my blog and blake thinks it's creepy. i was hoping i could get your thoughts.
: is it the floating growing baby one?
Me: yeah
Jamie: is it weird that i knew which one you were talking about without you telling me?
Me: no
Jamie: about 16 weeks ago it wouldve been creepy

This is a good illustration of how a lot of my conversations with Jamie unfold. It's funny how with some friends you don't really need to say a lot to have a conversation. Needless to say, after Jamie broke the tie, I decided the ticker would stay. Jamie's right, now that the baby looks like a baby it's not quite as bad. I hope you don't think it's creepy.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Other than being pregnant

I thought I would write today to give a little update on what is going on for me that isn't baby related. I'm actually sitting at ACT right now waiting for someone to give me some work. I only work 24 hours a week a here, and most of the time they keep me pretty busy. They seem to like me around here, so I'll be back for a while after the baby's born :) I figure job searching can wait a little while.

Other than that, I'm a graduate assistant for one of the professors in the library program. Right now, I'm helping him to design some user studies for a software program he's been working of for quite a while. I worked for him last semester, too, and I helped run a study that had been started the previous semester.

I'm also in three classes right now. I've got a midterm on Thursday that I'm kind of nervous about. It's actually taught by the professor that I work for. It's all about databases, and it's pretty heavy stuff. My other classes are about public libraries and online/database searching. I have a feeling the semester is going to get pretty busy towards the end, but right now I'm managing not to fall too far behind. We'll see how long I can keep up!

And rounding out my semester, I'm also graduating. This means I'm going to present a poster in about a month explaining a project I've been working on. I'm actually pretty interested in my topic, so it hasn't been the worst experience. After mid-May or so I should be completely done with school. I've been told I should walk at graduation, but I'm not sure that's something I want to do at about eight months pregnant. I'm looking forward to being able to focus on the baby once I'm all done with school stuff. It can get a little overwhelming, but luckily for me the people I work with and at school are really helpful and understanding. I guess having Blake around doesn't hurt either :) I didn't have to shovel snow once!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Pam and Jim's baby

Week 25

Alright, I'll admit that it might be a little weird to dedicate a post to a TV show. My only justification is that the episode in question was baby related. I'm not sure if many of you watch The Office, but it's one of Blake's favorite shows. I usually like new episodes, and I was actually really looking forward to this one.

In this episode, Pam gave birth to her and Jim's baby. It was pretty funny and probably one of the best episodes I've seen in a long time. Throughout the episode, I turned to Blake a few times and told him that I thought he'll probably act a lot like Jim when the times comes; Jim was kind of freaking out because he wanted to get Pam to the hospital. It was actually really funny and kind of cute, and I'm looking forward to seeing Blake get a little nervous and antsy. Believe it or not, he's not really the kind of person that gets too nervous about things. Well, he doesn't get nervous on the outside very often. I think he's good at hiding it. It also cracked me up that Blake got texts from Arloeen (his mom) and one of friends while the episode was on.

Throughout the first half of the episode, Pam seemed really calm and not nervous at all. I kept thinking that I hope I can be that calm (don't worry, I realize I was watching a TV show). Then, all at once, her composure crumbled, and she admitted how scared she really was. And I thought, "Wow. I think that's probably going to be me in about 4 months." The thought of giving birth to a baby is scary, I've always known that. However, it is kind of scarier when you realize that there really is a person growing inside of you, it's already happening. And it's going to get a lot bigger. And then it's going to come out. Yikes :)

Whenever those thoughts come into my head, I just try to think about how awesome it will be when we get to meet our little guy or girl. It has, in case you were wondering, been driving me nuts that we don't know if we're having a boy or a girl. In a lot of ways, I really don't want to know. I think it will be exciting to wait. Then there's a part of me that really, really does. My friend Kathleen is also pregnant, she's about a month farther along than me (I think). They found out that they're having a little girl (ps, congrats if you're reading this!), and she told me that not finding out will probably save us a lot of money since we won't be buying clothes ahead of time. So I've been trying to see it that way, but it's hard. That's what she said.

If you'd like to see the episode I've been talking about, especially if you've been annoyed throughout this whole post because nothing I'm saying is making any sense, I'm including the episode below so you can watch. If you want to. No pressure.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Welcome to my new blog

Welcome! I've decided that the What To Expect blog I had wasn't quite cutting it. I wanted something that would be easier to follow... and prettier. Also, all the cool kids' blogs are here. And Jamie told me to. Anyway, I've posted all of my old entries as well, so this is the only place you'll need to come from now on.

Monday, March 1, 2010

My favorite jeans

Week 24

Today was a sad day. I guess I've gotten cocky with the fact that I can still wear pretty much all of my clothes. I know I've started to show lately, but that didn't seem to matter. I washed a load of laundry last night and forgot about it. This load of wash happened to have my favorite pair of jeans in it. This morning I realized they were still in the washer. Since I've dried them in the past (aka, before getting pregnant) and there was no problem, I thought there'd be no problem today. Maybe they'd be a little snug for a while. I could handle that.

That's when the world as I know it came crashing down. I put my pants on. Let's just say I was lucky to get that far. Zipping them was out of the question. Buttoning them may never happen again. Well, hopefully buttoning my pants will happen again in future. However, I have a feeling it will be after the baby is born. Luckily, I was still able to wear them. My sister gave me a BeBand for my birthday, it's pretty awesome. It looks a little like a tube top that sits lower and holds up your pants. I guess my BeBand and I are going to good friends throughout the rest of this pregnancy. I might just have to get a couple more... they come in a variety of colors.